I found some board-mix Cd’s of me leading worship from 2000-2002.
I’m not sure what these emotions are that I’m experiencing currently,
but in short… it’s bad. Real bad.
It’s difficult to listen to because I can actually hear me trying to find my voice and it ain’t pretty.
One minute I’m in N*Sync-ville, the next I’m Mac Powell with an occasional hint of DC talk and Lifehouse or Creed. Ugh.
I can see it now, the bleach-tips, baggy abercrombie jeans, Christian-ironic shirts and Justin Timberlake hair…
Attempting Key changes that were epic fails.
And Christian-eeze that makes my skin crawl, strait preaching at the audience when setting songs up!
Don’t even get me started on the prayers!!!
“God, You are just God… and God we just worship you… we worship you God, cause you’re God and I can only imagine…”
My only defense is that I was helping a youth band and I recall none of us could hear anything.
We had no in-ear monitors with wedges on stage and everyone blasting their own instrument.
Not to mention around 12 singers trying to find their own part to sing. Chaos. Pandamonium.
But as I was preparing to light these incriminating CDs on fire and bury the ashes deep beneath the earth of my back yard…
I was filled with such gratefulness, that I had to blog about it real fast.
Grateful that God used me, despite what my ears are telling me.
And I’m grateful for the GRACE of others to let me learn and for EVER giving me a chance back then.
(Mike Linch, Ike Reighard, Russ Butcher, Cynthia Cullen and so many more – especially my wife Anisa!!!)
Not sure what they saw in me but I’m humbled to pieces. Lots of pieces.
So today this has me looking behind me and realizing a few things:
1. Those days were NOT a waist because I learned SO much. I was growing.
2. I want to continue being teachable. This is key in continuing to grow and getting better.
3. I too need to extend the grace I was shown, allowing others to learn the lessons I was allowed to learn.
I was young and unaware of myself, out of time, pitchy and RAW!!!
I had a “good heart” but sheesh…
Seriously though, I do remember my heart.
I remember what my desires were and why I got into singing in the first place.
I see now God gifted me, but left out the microwave setting. No teenage phenom here.
God’s shaping process is unique for each of us.
And for me, I was shaped at His pace for His timing which was going to be different then others.
But I didn’t give up. And I got better… eventually.
( I’ll be honest after hearing these, I kinda want to now haha… but seriously 😉 )
So if you’re reading this and wrestling with insecurity and doubt,
know that You are not alone. Don’t give up.
And be careful of falling into the trap of comparing yourself and your timeline to others.
I wasn’t behind but rather just waiting for His particular assignment for me.
And as Andy Stanley says, “There’s no win in comparison.”
Remember the promise in Philippians 1:6 (MSG)
“There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish”
Do keep practicing and doing the hard work of evaluation.
Invite others in that will be honest with you.
Read His word and trust Him, believing that if He has purposed you for it, He will open the right doors at the right time.
2 Timothy 3:16-17
All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work.
As for me, I saw God open doors in ways I never saw coming and by His grace I was prepared.
And now I’m VERY grateful things like youtube didn’t exist when I thought I was ready.
Boy am I grateful.
Anyone else out there had any hindsite 20/20 moments like this?!?
Hope this was encouraging… now back to setting a fire to these CD’s!!!